February 24 marked the first anniversary of losing our son, Scott, to mental illness. It has been a challenging year for our family. But inspired by the book Human Kind: Changing the World One Small Act at a Time by Brad Aronson, my wife and I decided to turn our day of grief into a day of belief—a belief that life could still be good even with loss and tragedy.

Scott was such a loving, caring, generous dad, husband, pediatric dentist, and friend to everyone he came in contact with. I know it’s a cliché, but Scott would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. He spent his whole, short life concerned about others. So, we decided to remember and honor Scott on the 24th by doing at least one act of kindness for someone else. We hoped the joy we felt from helping another in need would turn our grief over losing Scott into the belief in the worth and goodness of others.

We asked others to join us—first, our immediate family, then extended family, and then friends through word of mouth and Facebook. We were overwhelmed by the number of people who responded to the challenge of doing an act of kindness on the anniversary of our day of grief. #GriefintoBelief. Facebook friends shared my post, and we got responses from people I haven’t had contact with for years and many others I didn’t even know.

Since everything important in life I learned from the movies, I immediately thought of Pay It Forward[i] and this scene:

I have learned that acts of kindness are contagious. If someone does something nice to you, it makes you want to do something nice to someone else. Like ripples from a stone thrown into a pool, kindness spreads exponentially. Perhaps more importantly, performing a simple act of kindness helps us deal with our grief.

In Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy,[ii] it’s been four years since her husband died, and Bridget (played by Renee Zellweger) is still struggling to move on. I love what she says about her loss: “Life has its white notes and life has its black notes…. Very black notes…. And even though there might be 600,000 words in the English language, the world still struggles to find the right words when someone you love is gone.” I have found that true as both the giver of those words and the receiver. Ultimately, however, Bridget can experience some happiness in her life again. Here is the trailer for the film:

In The Fundamentals of Caring,[iii] Ben Benjamin (played by Paul Ruud) is trying to move past the death of his son two and a half years ago. He can’t keep a job; his marriage is in shambles—his wife is seeking a divorce. Ben realizes he needs to find a way to support himself, so he becomes a certified caregiver. His first client is a young man who uses a wheelchair and suffers from a type of muscular dystrophy. Here is the trailer for the movie:

Through losing himself in the service of others, Ben can move past the death of his son. Although we know about the death of Ben’s son at the outset of the film, we do not learn of the circumstances until the end in this emotional scene [Spoiler Alert!]:

I don’t know how anyone could be the same after something like that.

So, how did our day of good deeds go? Better than I could have imagined. I became aware of only a few acts of kindness performed on the anniversary of Scott’s death, knowing that often the best way to give is anonymously. Here are just a few of the kindnesses I heard about. Many people made donations to charities in memory of Scott, most dealing with mental health and suicide prevention. Some acts were as large as buying a car for a needy family (Scott once did that!) and as small as sending a letter of gratitude to someone who had impacted their lives. One man and his sons took out their neighbors’ trash cans for collection up and down the street and enlisted other boys in the neighborhood to help them. One woman delivered plants to all the pediatric dentists in her neighborhood in Scott’s honor (Scott was a pediatric dentist), while a group of young women gave passersby a single orange rose (Scott’s favorite color). Each rose had a tag that read “Keep Going, Tomorrow Needs You” on one side and an uplifting message on the other, such as “You are SEEN and deeply loved.” I heard examples of people passing out gift cards or buying the meal of the person behind them at fast-food restaurants. People took meals and treats to their neighbors. And one person gave hope and comfort to a person contemplating suicide.

Did we change the world? Perhaps not, but for one day, the world became a better place.  

We will make this an annual tradition. But my dream is to make every day a day of kindness, at least to those people around me. Can you take the challenge and do the same?

Despite the good feelings we received by doing a few kind acts on the anniversary of Scott’s death, we still miss him terribly. But I believe he would have been honored and humbled by all the kind acts performed in his honor.

I can’t say I know our souls continue to live after our bodies die and decay, but I hope with all my heart they do if only so we can be with loved ones again. But until I die and find out for myself, I take comfort in this exchange between Bridget Jones’ boy (Billy) and his teacher (Mr. Walliker):

Billy (speaking of his dad, who has died): “What if I forget him? I don’t want to forget him. But what if I do?”

Mr. Walliker: Let me tell you this, Billy. Your dad is everywhere. He’s everywhere. Right now, in this moment. And that’s a scientific fact. Energy is only transferred. It can never be destroyed. And more importantly, your father is in you.” Thanks to all who took the challenge to honor Scott with acts of kindness. I love you, Scott. Please know that many around you do the same. That is true of you, Scott, and it is true of everyone. The world needs us all more

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[i] Pay It Forward:

• Production Companies: Warner Bros, Bel Air Entertainment, and Tapestry Films
• Director: Mimi Leder
• Writers: Catherine Ryan Hyde and Leslie Dixon
• Starring: Kevin Spacey, Haley Joel Osment, and Helen Hunt
• Release Date: October 20, 2000

[ii] Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy:

• Production Companies: Universal Pictures, StudioCanal, and Miramax
• Director: Michael Morris
• Writers: Helen Fielding, Dan Mazer, and Abi Morgan
• Starring: Renee Zellweger, Chiwetel Ejiofor, and Leo Woodall
• Release Date: February 13, 2025
• Streaming on Peacock

[iii] The Fundamentals of Caring:

• Production Companies: Levantine Films and Worldwide Pants
• Director: Rob Burnett
• Writers: Rob Burnett and Jonathan Evison
• Starring: Craig Roberts, Paul Ruud, and Selena Gomez
• Release Date: June 24, 2016
• Streaming on Netflix