Throughout our entire lives we seem to be looking forward to the next milestone. When we are children, we can’t wait until we can drive a car. When we are in school, we look forward to graduation, finding a career, getting married and then starting a family. Soon we long for the day when all our kids are potty-trained, then old enough to babysit themselves, and finally when they all have left the nest. We then look forward to grandchildren. With all of those events in my own rearview mirror, I now can’t wait until retirement and my next phase of life. It is important to our happiness to have something to look forward to – and strive for – but sometimes we are so focused on the next milestone that we forget to slow down and just enjoy where we are for a while. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “We are always getting ready to live, but never living.”

A timeless movie for high school students of every generation is Ferris Bueller’s Day Off*, in which high school student Ferris decides it’s time (again) to take a day off from school despite what his parents, teachers or especially his school principal might think about that. Looking back to my high school days, I now wish I had had the guts to skip a day of school, although I admit I never wanted my kids to do the same; I didn’t want them to be irresponsible. But maybe it’s irresponsible for us not to occasionally take a day off school, work or whatever else is stressing us out and just enjoy ourselves for a day.  Here’s Ferris’ philosophy, and it’s a good one, at least this part: “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Life really does move fast. We have endless lists of things to do, for ourselves and for our kids. We are bombarded by social media on every side. And if we aren’t actually accomplishing goal after goal after goal, we are often looked upon by others as failures. All lives of every generation have stress, but I find it hard to believe that prior generations experienced the stressful lives we face today. And it will only get worse in the future as continued advances in technology make life that much  faster.

How can we stop (or at least slow down) and look around once in a while so we don’t miss life? The Great Outdoors** came out just a couple of years after Ferris. In my favorite scene, Chet Ripley (John Candy) has brought his family to a lakeside resort for a vacation. His brother-in-law, Roman Craig (Dan Aykroyd), drops in unexpectedly. While sitting on the porch of the cabin, Ripley and Craig have this great conversation:

Too often we are like Roman Craig. We see something only as what it could (or should?) someday become rather than just seeing something just for what it is – in this case trees. How do we slow life down and notice the little things that make life more worthwhile? Here are some simple suggestions:

1. Eat dinner together with the family around the table instead of in front of the TV.
2. Remember important dates like birthdays, anniversaries and graduations.
3. Unplug from the world of social media for at least an hour or two a day.
4. Learn to mediate.
5. Listen to water at the beach, a river, or the waterfall in your own swimming pool.
6. Focus on the sound and feel of a simple daily routine like brushing your teeth.
7. Change up your daily routine like taking a different way home from work.
8. Take a road trip without any itinerary and just see where you end up.
9. Do random acts of kindness.
10. Keep a gratitude journal.

Speaking of gratitude, here is the fun Thanksgiving dinner scene from Funny People*** that reminds us to both be grateful and enjoy the moment.

There is no time like the present, for these are the good old days the next generation will hear so much about. So let’s enjoy them – now!

                                               

*Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Production: Paramount Pictures

Director: John Hughes

Screenplay: John Hughes

Starring: Matthew Broderick, Alan Ruck and Mia Sara

Release Date: June 11, 1986

**The Great Outdoors

Production:Hughes Entertainment and Universal Pictures

Directed: Howard Deutch

Screenplay: John Hughes

Starring: John Candy, Dan Aykroyd and Stephanie Faracy

Release Date: June 17, 1988

***Funny People

Production: Universal Studios and Columbia Pictures

Directed: Judd Apatow

Screenplay: Judd Apatow

Starring: Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen and Leslie Mann

Release date: July 31, 2009

When I hear the word “plastics” in connection with movies, I immediately think of two: The Graduate, where the neighbor of Ben Braddock (played by Dustin Hoffman) advises him that plastics are the key to a financially successful future, and Mean Girls, where the most-popular girls in the high school are referred to as the Plastics, which is really a reflection of their personalities. With school starting again, maybe it’s time to sit down with our high school age kids or grandchildren and watch or re-watch Mean Girls.

Looking back at my own high school experience, I tried my best to be accepted, even popular, with the “right” (meaning cool) crowd. By my senior year, though, that popularity and acceptance became less important to me, as I realized there really was life after high school, and that to be part of the cool crowd, you often had to give up your individuality by talking, dressing and acting (whether genuine of not) like everyone else in that crowd. The saddest thing, though, is cool crowds are often not that cool, because to become a member, you sometimes have to ignore, put down, and even belittle anyone outside the clique. I think what really happened to me in high school was, somewhere along the way, I realized I was OK with myself; that if I kept worrying about what other people thought of me, I was showing more confidence in their opinion than I had in my own.

I learned two important lessons from watching Mean Girls, where Cady Heron (played by Lindsay Lohan) attends public school for the first time. Previously, she had lived with her parents in Africa and was home schooled. At her new school, she befriends Janis and Damian, who warn her to avoid the Plastics, a clique of three rich girls, who reached queen bee status by bullying and gossiping about anyone who got in their way. But the Plastics take an interest in Cady, so Cady, Janis and Damian devise a plot for Cady to be assimilated into the clique for the purpose of bringing them down. The plan is working, except the Plastics have changed Cady. In this scene, Janis confronts Cady about not just becoming a part of the clique, but about actually becoming plastic:

It is sad that sometimes we think the only way we can be a part of a group or feel good about ourselves is by putting others down. It is especially sad when those put downs are based on hearsay or even lies. So the first lesson I learned from Mean Girls is to accept yourself for who your really are, despite what others might think about you. I love the character of Janis because, although different from most of the other students at school, she was comfortable with herself. Her message to all of us? Of all the different opinions people might have about you, the most important opinion is the one you have of yourself.

As a member of the Plastics clique, Cady learns of a “Burn Book,” a secret notebook kept by the Plastics containing rumors, secrets and gossip about other students and teachers at the school. As an act of revenge, the leader of the Plastics makes copies of the Burn Book and spreads its pages throughout the school. The result is chaos, distrust, shunning, and dissolved relationships that are not easily healed. Lesson two from Mean Girls, then, is really a corollary of lesson one: if we have a positive image of ourselves, we have no need to put down others, and worse, if we do engage in gossip, we are on a road of no return, for once the lies and putdowns are out in the open, there is no chance of taking them back.

One of the greatest demonstrations of the consequences of gossiping is found in this sermon delivered by Father Brendan Flynn (played by the late, great Philip Seymour Hoffman) in the movie, Doubt***:

 Whether at home, school or work, let’s remember the word told Ben Braddock in The Graduate: plastics; not so much as a road map to financial success, but as a reminder to cultivate a powerful image of ourselves, and a warning against cruelty to others.

                                                           

Postscript to “Winning with Class” (my previous post on this blog): a terrific example of winning without any class is the recent movie, The Program****. It is the story of Lance Armstrong, America’s favorite and best-known cyclist, and how he won seven Tour De France competitions by cheating. Armstrong is still America’s best-known cyclist, but now he might be the world’s least favorite one.

                                                           

*The Graduate

Production: MGM

Director: Mike Nichols

Screenwriter: Calder Willingham and Buck Henry (adapted from the book by Charles Webb)

Starring: Dustin Hoffman, Anne Bancroft and Katharine Ross

Released: December 22, 1967

**Mean Girls

Production: Paramount Pictures

Director: Mark Waters

Screenwriter: Tina Fey (adapted from the book by Rosalind Wiseman)

Starring: Lindsay Lohan, Jonathan Bennett and Rachel McAdams

Released: April 30, 2004

***Doubt:

Production: Miramax

Director: John Patrick Shanley

Screenwriter: John Patrick Shanley

Starring: Meryl Streep, Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Adams

Released: December 25, 2008

The Program:

Production: Anton Capital Entertainment, StudioCanal, Working Title Films

Director: Stephen Frears

Screenwriter: John Hodge (adapted from the book by David Walsh)

Starring: Ben Foster, Chris O’Dowd and Jesse Plemons

Released: March 18, 2016